But speaking up can also be hard work, and it's no surprise if overworked women - especially moms, who spend a lot of their time pleasing others - want their sexual needs fulfilled without having to spell them out. The emphasis on communication is at least in part a response to restrictive mores that told women they shouldn't voice their desires at all. But the fans at Friday's event seemed less interested in submitting than they were in being effortlessly, totally understood. Katie Roiphe opined in Newsweek that the book's popularity showed that modern women, successful at work, secretly yearned to be submissive in bed. A Seattle woman expressed this sentiment in a Craigslist ad that went viral in 2008, under the heading, "Just fucking fuck me, already." And so did Jessa, of Girls, when a man she picked up in a bar asked if it was okay to put his hand in her pants, and she responded, "Never ask me that again in my whole life." Maybe 50 Shades of Grey speaks to women's desire not to have to speak. But talking can be difficult, and maybe the popularity of 50 Shades is in part a backlash against the admonishment to talk, a sign that sometimes people yearn for someone who just knows. It's become generally accepted that communication is the key to good sex - communication tips have become a cornerstone of sex guides for everyone from Christian couples to sex slaves.
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